Sometimes I'm so full of shit

if u get more than 30, you need counseling
If you get more than 20, you’re paranoid
If you get 10-20, you are normal
If you get 10 or less, you’re pretty much fearless


check what you have a fear of:

[] black people
[x] the dark
[] staying single forever
[] being a parent
[] being myself in front of others
[] open spaces
[] closed spaces
[] heights
[] dogs
[] birds
[] fish
[] spiders
[] flowers or other plants (because they have bugs on them)
Total so far: 1





[x] being touched by older guys
[] fire
[x] deep water
[] snakes
[] silk
[] the ocean
[x] failure
[] success
[] lightning
[] frogs/toads
[x] my boyfriends/girlfriends dad
[] my boyfriends/girlfriends mom
[] rats
[] jumping from high places
[] snow
total so far: 6





[] rain
[] wind
[] crossing hanging bridges
[] death
[] heaven
[] God himself
[] being robbed/mugged
[] falling
[] clowns
[] dolls
[] large crowds of people
[] men
[] women
[x] having great responsibilities
[] doctors or dentists
[] tornadoes
Total so far: 7





[] hurricanes
[] incurable diseases
[] sharks
[] Friday the 13th
[x] ghosts
[] poverty
[] Halloween
[] school
[] trains
[] odd numbers
[] even numbers
[x] being alone
[x] becoming blind
[X] becoming deaf
[] growing up
Total so far: 11





[x] creepy noises in the night
[x] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[] needles
[] blood
[] dinosaurs
[] The welcome mat
[] high speed
[] throwing up
[] falling in love
Final Total: 13





Post it with the subject -
I'm afraid of __ out of 73 common fears

48 weeks since i've posted anything....
I wish I had some more documentary of the past couple months. March 2008 was a complete 180 for me. That month I got sober from heroin, broke up with Lucas, fell in love with David. Got happy, got sad, got angry. Put David's tooth through his lip into my hand (he has a permanent knot and scars but he asked me and I said ok and swung) and beat Lucas up (as Felix said and many others, "Someone needs to kick his ass" and I said, "I did"). Gave myself two tattoos, gave David a tattoo. Fucked some people, got fucked up. Discovered what real friends really are (Morgan, I love you). Discovered what family really is (Dad, I love you). Lost a job, working for my Dad (somewhat...more to come). Getting a fake ID, hopefully this week. Wrote so much, good stuff, getting ready to put together a book to send out. Painted more.

Learning life lessons like no other. Been to the depths of addiction hell, survived, and now ready for what's next.

( Don't judge too harshly )

I haven't written here in ages...
I'm working at this sex toy shipping place. It's nice and everything, but i just sit at a desk all day, answer emails calls and file claims and other little crap. I make $1200$1400 a month, it just seems there's never enough money no matter what. but on a much better note today i should be getting a call to be a counselor at camp hi-hill with lucas. that should just totally rock. you make so much money and i wont be in long beach during the week so i cant spend it ridiculously like i do. getting out of long beach is just the ticket for me right now. all the negativity im surrounded with is unnecessary and then i could move up north like i've been planning with this extra money i'll have. start going to school there and getting my life going.
on a more sad note my grandfather has prostate cancer and got his prostate removed yesterday. i spent the day crying my ass off at work and THEN they find a hernia (sp?) and THEN there's problems in recovery, but he came out fine. i go to the hospital and most of my family is there with him; we're all laughing and he looked wonderful. good color. he was even talking about going to spain, and if know my grandfather you know how good this is. hopefully this all turns out fine, my fingers are crossed 24/7.
and ps i cant believe that elena is gone, granted i haven't really spoken too her since high school, but she used to be a really close friend. two friends in one year is...so unexpected for us at this age. and then all these people i know being sent to rehabs far away. i'm just wanting to get away from socal, im ready for new opportunity and new people.

i havent really said much here for a while. my job is going so-so, i love and hate it. this woman i work with is the same, love and hate, its such an odd situation. but im making money, spending it just as quick i must say. im too terrible with money.
i got a book sent to me with my poem on the front page! i was so excited i jumped up and down in my grandparents living room for five minutes. i've also been writing more and am going to do that writing program i talked about forever ago at beginning of next year. i feel real good about that.
things have been confusing. and i wish i could just go on a long trip.

( silly )

The Vudu store is open on 4th st. Right across from the Art theatre. If you kept going on Dawson toward ocean, you'd run into it. We'll be getting signs for it within the next couple of weeks. So all of you stop by if you'd like. I'll be there in the evenings.
Besides that, washington mutual is going well. I went to see Modest Mouse and The Damned this month, and TSOL tonight. I have pictures of those, halloween, thanksgiving and my birthday, but I can't find my camera.
This next year is going to be good, I can feel it, the vudu store getting started, my dad is going to start bartending, alecia is going to start real estate. All around, things are looking up. I needn't be so worried about the little things. A meteor is headed straight for us and will hit in five years anyway. Of course, many things may throw it off course. But it's coming, in 2012, when the mayan calender ends, and when Sophocles predicted downfall. All a coincidence? In short, chill out.

Got a second job, bank teller for washington mutual (wamu?)
painted something
wrote some things
came to conclusions
ready to move on

Jump foward You say
Foward You say
Love You say?
No way
Not today.
I'll cry away
The day away
I cannot play
Your game today.
Forget your way
My way today
Tomorrow we'll play
Jump foward a day

I'm trailing around in circles
In the same path
Over and over
I'm digging deeper in the ground
I'm doing it for you
This circle I'm digging
Is all for you
I'm loving you now
So you keep me going
Keep me trailing
I'll keep trailing
Because I know
that going around in circles
Is just as good
As going in a straight line
When I'm with you

Don't you worry
I'll remember to get back to normal
I'll remember
To go in a straight line
I'll let you know
When I've dug it deep enough
Just enough
To get to China
So you and me
We can run away
We can cover up the circle

No one will no where we went
And everyday
I'll walk a straight line
Until I come home to you.

Iggy Pop
LCD Soundsystem
The Cramps
The Doors

I'm ready for the day.

lukas over dilana?

Testing